FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS...A POEM BY CAM EWART

First World Problems.

By Cam Ewart.

This civilised world that I call home

Has it’s up and downs.

I know I’m better off than most,

And horrible as it sounds-

There are so many problems in this ‘first’ world

That I could make a list,

But the time it’d take to read to you

Would surely be sorely missed.

Today I took the day off work,

Just because I could.

Made a coffee and watched TV,

Might catch up on “Deadwood”.

Organic Arabica coffee beans,

Are the only ones for me.

Grown somewhere in Arabica,

Picked by a kid who’s three.

But to my despair when I fired up

My Fifty-Inch Plasma Screen,

The screen it read “No Signal”,

I cursed the skies “Why Me?!”

I composed myself, remembered quick

My shelf of DVD’s.

300 titles, alphabetised,

but every one, I’d seen.

Fresh air, I thought, would do me well

So I grabbed my keys and phone.

Decided town was way too far,

So in the end I drove.

The traffic made me ill at ease,

So many cars and trucks.

I wish I’d walked instead today,

But I really can’t be fucked.

My stomach growled in hunger pains,

It’s been 2 hours since I ate.

I spied a Fish & Chip Shop,

and pulled in for potato cakes.

I made my order in my head,

As I remotely locked my car,

You never can be too careful these days,

With all the immigrants from afar.

I wandered up to the Chip Shop’s door,

And pushed, but it was shut.

I read the sign on the front door.

CLOSED MONDAYS – What the fuck??!!!

There are so many problems in this world,

I thought to myself.

The sun’s too hot, My beers too cold,

I guess it can’t be helped.

Plus…

I ate too much, I slept too long,

My Bed is way too soft.

TEN bucks for a jug of beer?

Your smoking makes me cough.

And…

My hot water takes too long to heat,

The rising cost of Organic Meat.

The reception on my mobile phone,

The interest rates on my home loan.

The city is too full these days,

But the country is just too far away.

No one comments on my status posts,

(It takes me ages to think of those).

I’ve got too many pairs of choose,

Too many shirts, which do I choose?

My internet is way too slow,

When I’m watching porn it takes ages to load.

My parents call me way too much,

It’s so uncool to take your own lunch.

Everyone’s got the same ringtone as me,

It’s a symbol of my individuality!

I can’t see the city from my balcony,

Gonna have to cut down that huge tree.

Oh…

But look what I’ve done,

I’ve wasted your time.

Just by you reading this…

And your time, to you, I know is sacred,

But we must understand this.

At the end of the day, it’s all we have.

In whichever world we live.

Time…and it’s fast running out.

Better order those Fish & Chips.